Carolyn Parkhurst ( @CParkhurst1 ) Twitter Profile


Carolyn Parkhurst

NYT bestselling author of four novels: The Dogs of Babel, Lost & Found, The Nobodies Album & Harmony. Plus that Eloise piece from the New Yorker.

Washington, DC

Joined on 11 March, 2010

  • 246 Tweets
  • 2.3k Following

The thing people sometimes forget about "bad apples" is the way the saying ends. Having ANY bad apples ruins the whole bunch because the bad ones make the good ones begin to rot. So NONE is the only number it's okay to have.

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Trying to decide whether or not to get a third dog. We'd have to get a second dog first, though, and that seems like a lot of work.

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I don't want to talk about how we got to this point, but my dog now won't eat her food unless I pretend to season it by shaking a (closed) bottle of seasoned salt over it and giving the bowl and ostentatious stir.

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Anyone who’s ever spent a summer in Washington DC knows that the only thing that could possibly improve it is having something covering the lower half of your face every time you go outside.

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Anyone who’s ever spent a summer in Washington DC knows that the only thing

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I just finished writing 1029 words for the first day of #1000wordsofsummer! I wanted to stop at 500, I really really did. But I kept going, and I'm so happy I did. Thanks for the structure and the inspiration, @jamiattenberg!

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Limoncello flavored La Croix is possibly the weirdest beverage I've ever had. It tastes like lemon pound cake, which isn't bad per se, but also isn't really something I'm looking for in a seltzer.

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Just heard "Groove Is In the Heart" and I was remembering that when it first came out, my husband would ask, "Wait, where is groove?" And the song would answer him.

1. My husband is a total dork and probably so am I
2. We've been together a looong time

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Quoted @Zappos

@CParkhurst1 I felt this to my core *AU

Twitter is so weird

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There’s been a Zappos box sitting unopened in our front hall for like 3 weeks. Because my son needed new shoes, but also nobody needs new shoes right now.

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My dad is locked out of his Amazon account and is having a lot of trouble getting it sorted out. Apparently, one customer service rep asked him, "Why do you know so little?"

He answered, "Well, I know enough to end this call," and hung up.

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All these years using Google, and I still make mistakes. I'm watching the show "Mom," and I wanted to know who plays the attractive neighbor who turns out to be really kinky.
Turns out "Mom neighbor BDSM" were not the best choice of search terms.

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My husband told my daughter that she should name her guitar, and he gave the example that Willie Nelson has a guitar named Trigger. She said, "Okay, I'll name mine Triggered."

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I bet all the people from the college admissions scandal feel especially stupid now that college doesn't really exist anymore and your kids are basically just enrolled in your den.

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22 hours into the dog's 24 hour fast, and she's reverted to a primal scavenger state, hunting for crumbs in every neglected corner of the house. Meanwhile, I'm so guilty I can hardly look her in the face and am not sure I can hold out the last 2 hours...

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The dog is on a vet-ordered 24-hour fast, to help with some tummy trouble, and she is emphatically NOT on board.

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*when, not even.

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It took me a long time to understand that even dogs are "asking" you for something, and it's not any of the usual suspects, they may not know what they want, either. They just want something to feel different than it does now, and they're hoping you can help. True of babies, too.

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Hi! I'm Carolyn Parkhurst. Welcome to another edition of "How Can It Possibly Be Noon Already?"

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This is important to remember: You know that voice in your head that points out all your flaws and reminds you of all the worst things you've ever done? That voice is an unreliable narrator.

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